Gates of Heaven

Has anyone seen the Gates of Heaven? Are there people who can claim that they have crossed to the Other Side and can re-tell their experiences? And still there will be men who will be driven to the extreme to do all the needful things to reach this El Dorado. Acts, labor, dedication - to achieve the gate pass to the utopia on the Other Side. What after that? Eternal bliss? Salvation?

At least not 'salvation' as I know of. There are imagined greater comforts and pleasures to be attained on the Other Side. A true salvation would rob an opportunity to enjoy all that. So if my thought process is still sane - there are men who have been told that there is a place called Heaven, which has unparalleled happiness and comfort but nobody has seen or come back to re-tell (who would leave the Heaven and come back to tell the lesser mortals the great pleasures so as to entice them to work hard to get in the Heaven and increase pressure on resources) but they still work hard to achieve an entrance ticket to this unknown place.

"And the greatest trick the devil ever pulled was to make people believe that he does not exist" . Kevin Spacey delivers this wisdom in what can be interpreted as persona of 'Keyser Soze'. The devil never had to show himself to make his mark. Probably its his invisibility which make him more threatening and menancing. Add to it that Man has from time immemorial been drawn to what is unknown. Who says that curiosity only kills the cats? So, is Heaven a notion setup by the Devil himself to have fun at the cost of people observing austerity and going through pains to live a sin-free life? Blasphemy! I am conjuring up a trick here!

Suppose there exists such a place. At least in physical sense. But nobody knows what promises are kept once you enter it. One would wonder how long the enigma continue if there are no proofs of the goodies on the other side. Well, the Devil, like the architect of Matrix, would think how to sustain this process. So the Devil does two things.

First

He makes the entry to this place really, really tough. Like say, 1 in 300 gets to go inside those Gates. No matter how hard everybody tries, only exclusive few get the pass-through. The 299 left behind, though bruised and sad, look up to those high walls and ivy decorated gate and think that they will work harder the next time. Or some just give up hope of ever getting through but never lose the awe of the gates they could not enter. In all the wisdom that these men have been bestowed, they equate the high odds of gaining entry as a proxy for the great value of what lies inside those gates. Any flaws in this reasoning?

Second

The Devil keeps telling those who got inside of what the 299 fellas think of them and the place they got into. He describes to them in great detail the awe which the people inside inspire in the people outside. Field trips are organized for these "lucky ones" where they see for themselves how the rest of their lot swoon on their sight. And the Devil poses them a question -"Whatever is inside those gates is unknown to the outside world. The promises were kept or not, only you know. But.... But, will you speak in any way to destroy your own self esteem and respect which you keep hearing from the outside world? Is the absolute truth more valuable to you or the perceived truth?" What do those "lucky ones", the keepers of the secret, the Children of Promised Land do?

The Devil smiles.

And so, the legend of The Gates of Heaven runs through eons of time. Nobody questions what became of the few who crossed to the other side. Occasionally, a light streak is seen in the skies of the Forbidden Country. Outside the high walls, these sights are referred and discussed endlessly. As might perhaps this blog entry.

The Devil still smiles.

Google Labs or a growing junk-yard?

Yeah, Google is God. I have been believing it since long time. It still remains. However, off-late I have gotten into discussions about how does Google make money? It has only Ad-words and Ad-sense. The analysts warned the Wall Street against high valuations of Google stock and changed their recommendation from "hold" to "sell" even though Google has cornered 25% of online advertising revenue. But, the markets have been bullish and the price of Google stock keeps soaring against the advices of analysts.

Why such exuberance when Google hasn't opened up any other avenues of generating revenues. Google launches cool products, we go and use them, laud them; but what happens to these products after that. How many of them are actually a commercial success or become the market leader in their category? Probably none. Here is an article (How Google wins by losing) which discusses the Google phenomenon on these lines and where does the whole thing fit in. At present, there are more articles doing round on the Web discussing these matters.

Google itself has made huge investments in buying other technologies, latest being YouTube. But how will all this gel in together remains hazy. Google is making competitors all around by making experimental products in their specialization area. It doesn't take those products to Release versions (most of the things are in Beta). But, that warns the other companies against Google's motives and they become skeptic of it. Exactly the same thing happened when Amazon removed Google as its preferred search engine and started using MSN Live on its website. Its a move which has great implications because Amazon is the best example of social-recommendation bringing up search results which complements Google's powerful search algorithm. Google lost on a potential ally by introducing a Beta online store service (Froogle) and other services (Books). Google has gunned against Microsoft (obviously), eBay, Amazon, Yahoo, Skype and the list goes on. Can it go on making such rivals without even seriously delivering Release quality products?

Its what some folks say. Google's product delivery model is summed up as "throwing spaghetti on the wall". It develops "spaghetti" (Beta versions), throws them on the wall and waits to see what sticks. Those which stick, become hit. Those which fall are forgotten (Google Finance, anyone?) And Google moves on.

Set 1

GAME 1

IIM A rolls out the carpets to me. The red bricks and the hallowed Harvard steps - the architecture symbolizing aspirations of 150,000 Indians each year - mesmerized me. I was gasping, perhaps it was too hot and humid on that day of June. The mazes between hostels could have easily passed to have been at Hogwarts.

Game : IIM A wins. My serve broken by IIM A.
Score: IIM A vs Me : 1 - 0


GAME 2

The "how's" and "why's" of IIM A are flung at me. Even Neo couldn't have dodged them. 270 brilliant minds of India face another set of 270 minds (who are better equipped with communication network and a heritage to fall back upon). Its a surrender. IIM A hits all aces. [This description is purposefully vague. Only after joining IIM A can you understand what is this Game 2 all about].

Game : IIM A wins. All aces on its serve.
Score: IIM A vs Me : 2 - 0


GAME 3

2.5 weeks into the course, its a sleepy noon after classes when I receive the call from the Admissions Office. No, they weren't reconsidering my admission. :) They called to tell me that I have been shortlisted for first round of selections for the Aditya Birla Scholarship (ABS). Are you kidding me? This is a prank!! But it didn't turn out that way. I was among the 20 students from IIM A shortlisted for the first round. The selection isn't based on my performance so far, if any, in IIM A. This is a powerful slam from my side, although utilizing reserves from past performances.

Game : I win (as of now)
Score: IIM A vs Me : 2 - 1


GAME 4

The institute is not directly involved in this one. I stand for the Class Representative election. Put forth my candidature at 23:59:59; I stick to deadlines. Having won Game 3, the onus was high to convert the advantage of ABS. Juggling between the quizzes, CR election campaign and ABS essays; some of the serves turned to Double Faults. In the end, I struggled hard to make it through with the CR campaigning. The counting starts. The first round of counting went Deuce. The second round of counting also went Deuce. The thrid round saw me losing advantage and I was defeated by 3 votes. For that 1 week, the acads took hit (Single Faults) and the effect escalated till mid-terms. I fought a tough game and perhaps, lost gracefully.

Game : IIM A wins
Score: IIM A vs Me : 3 - 1


GAME 5

This was an extended game. It continued for long as an intermittent game between other games. The psychological acceptance of the fact that I am at IIM A and there is no turning back. Sounds cheesy? It wont if you had been living a King Size life at Bangalore, doing a job which provided decent mental stimulation, get paid fat sums, earn a mark for yourself and the precious 'work-ex'; and you weren't really keen on joining a B-School. The charm of the old days lured me. The struggle didnot allow me to enjoy the initial 2 months of my stay. Each day was a drag with the classes proving some respite (as those were the times when the mind was focussed on a single activity). The issue settled in favor of IIM A on 22nd Aug when it finally soaked into me that "I can not go back".

Game : IIM A wins
Score: IIM A vs Me : 4 - 1


GAME 6

Mid term exams. The Double Fault of CR campaigning and struggle to earn ABS Advantage resulted in numerous Single Faults on academic front. It was an on-off case. A ace in one quiz, a C in another, a B+ in yet another.... so on and so forth. Previous game (Game 5) also took its toll. The things were beginning to settle as the mid terms neared. Well, the fallen angel made the best of them. In retrospect, I did better than I thought I was doing at that time. Its not been a clincher, but I took the advantage MENTALLY.

Game : I win
Score: IIM A vs Me : 4 - 2


GAME 7

T-nite, the talent week at IIM. I was not feeling well after the mid terms and T-Nite was just around the corner. The stakes were high and I knew that my contribution would do its tiny bit towrads the Section's success. However, the talent in the section didnot need any help. They rocked and rolled while I drove for some time to get stuff from the market, an advantage I had because of having a bike on campus. Still, the involvement could have been much more. This game went to IIM A; in the sense that the show was over before I could adjust to its demands.

Game : IIM A wins
Score: IIM A vs Me : 5 - 2


GAME 8

I cleared the first round of ABS and reached the final interview round. Not much to say, just that the efforts taken to write the essays didn't go waste though they clashed with the CR campaigning.

Game : I win
Score: IIM A vs Me : 5 - 3


GAME 9

My groupmates @ IIM A. Group dynamics is a difficult thing to handle. Especially when the competitive spirits are flying high and everyone wants to make a mark for himself/herself. Luckily, our group settled into a common rythm. Vroom, Hoax, PuBo, Bhoora and Tram make the Group "Four"ce. It has been a pleasure working with them. Towards the term end, the real power of group was into display. The multiple assignments could not have been completed without the group members supporting each other.

Game : I (We) win
Score: IIM A vs Me : 5 - 4


Game 10

I make it to the Niche club and would get to do stuff related to Product Marketing. With the support of a formal club, it will be easier to push through and make it an interesting activity on Campus. My dream company made a visit to the campus and I was able to justify endless hours spent tracking this company's progress. [I cannot mention the name because of confidentiality reasons, you make a guess and you may be right if you are feeling lucky! :)] Have I earned the reputation of being the nerd of the batch? Who knows? Will somebody who has overheard the conversations in corridors let me know?

Game : I win
Score: IIM A vs Me : 5 - 5


Game 11

The Professors and the faculty. They are God level! Never before in my life have I been taught by a Faculty where each member delivers more than 100 percent. Example, I remember my last class on Managerial Accounting. Having an Engineering background, Accounting was a completely new subject to me. I mean, COMPLETELY NEW. Yes. In the last lecture, the Professor made us go through an actual Annual Financial Report of a real world company. As he described the entries and numbers, somehow it all fit in. I could see what the numbers spoke, what they indictaed, where did they come from. The Annual Report had started making a sense, in just 3 months! Full credits to the Faculty. Though the grades in this particular course have not been flattering for me, the learning has been immense. I wasn't even fighting this game, I surrendered happily.

Game : IIM A wins.
Score: IIM A vs Me : 6 - 5


Game 12

Term 1 is over. The end terms have been written and results are awaited. I guess IIM A will score another win there :) In 3 months, I have known new capabilities and new limitations in me. The stay has helped me know better about myself. I have made a bunch of new friends. I played soccer after a long time. Some acknowledged my genuine interest in certain things. I was exposed to immense talent of my batchmates and the experience will continue. With each passing game, the "IIM A vs Me" factor has been reducing. No longer is a win for me not a win for IIM A. Was I fighting the system? Or was I fighting my own inhibitions? Its premature to take a stand right now. There are 5 more Sets (terms) to go. Lets see how the score card reads at the end. As of now, as I await Term 2 to start, I give this last game of the Set 1 to IIM A, for the sheer breadth of experience and revelations it has given me.

Game : IIM A wins.
Score: IIM A vs Me : 7 - 5

SET 1: IIM A wins

Nostalgia grammar - Past Perfect, Future Tense

I have hit the "Home" key taking a break from the gruesome first term at IIM A. The 3 months have passed in a jiffy. But more on IIM A in some other post.

Its been a gypsy's life for me in the past 7 years.
1999-2003 - shifted 4 hostels @ IT BHU in 4 years.
2003-2006 - shifted 4 houses in Bangalore
2003-2006 - shifted 3 companies in Bangalore
2006-now - shifted to IIM A

Each new phase adds new memories. Sometimes they are physical in nature: memorabilia, gifts, insignias etc. Each new spring cleaning throws out some of these which have now attained 'junk' status. Funny how some of the treasured possessions become unwanted as the memories accompanying them fade out.

Some of the items purged off this time:
1. Call letters of IIT JEE - 1999 and 2000.
2. Call letters of Roorkee 99 and BHU 99.
3. Computer project report - ISC 1999.

They were all lying neatly piled up in a drawer. Leafing through each of them renewed the times when they were so relevant. Just pieces of paper, are they? Not really.

They are almost like the geological layers which denote the passing of ages on earth and serve as markers. These marked the point on timeline when I transitioned from school to college. The umpteen competitive exams, the endless nights of toil on "preparation material", the idolizing of exam toppers of yesteryears, the anxiety to make it through.

Destroying those papers erased the another set of markers of a phase of life. What remains now is a fact that I joined IT BHU in July 1999. All the options that were present at that time and all the dilemmas they raised are lost. Similar exercises were carried out when moving from 10th to 11th, college to job, from being "Neo" to "no-Neo", 3 years in job to return to academics. With each passing milestone, the attachment to the current state is reducing. Hardly any determination is required now to throw away the belongings which an important of life a few days ago.

Is this 'nirvana'? Realizing that material possessions and memories are only prisons of mind and a man must move on because "the journey" is only the permanent truth. Or is it even a higher degree of materialism; where possessions lose their meanings to new advancements, the past is forgotten after it has been used, where old has no place to survive.

I am being nostalgic about "being nostalgic" :)

To blog or not

... that is the question.

Have been going through endless oscillations of an urge to pen down the events of past 3 months and stopping myself to display the conflicts on a public blog. Just deleted a draft of a random rambling. My par'd'ner, though, has read it while editing one of his posts. Hmmm.. so that piece of writing didn't go completely unnoticed.

The Signed Integer Theory

Here is another of my theories. Will keep it simple.

The signed integer dataype in C provides a valueable insight into how people behave to situations of pain, stress and emotional distress.

A signed int has the limits of -32768 to 32767. So if:

int i = 100;
i = i+1;

The new value of 'i' is 101.

Consider 'i' to be at 32766.

i = i + 1;

Value of 'i' = 32767;

i = i + 1;

New value of 'i' = ? Its -32768. When 'i' hits the limit of its datatype, it simply convolutes back from the other side of the limit.

i = i + 1;

Value of 'i' = -32767.

And thus, it goes in loops.

Humans deal with trauma in a similar way. Each one has an individual threshold. Once the accumulated stress reaches the limit, a person simply snaps. Anymore stress just becomes a big joke to him. He is on the 'other side'. Completely de-stressed.

The MAN

He will ride the horse making even the animal look more majestic than an unicorn. He will unsheath the sword which will be at the perfect angle to the sun to reflect a trapezoidal aura at its tip. He will take the worst of the punishment met out by his enemies; but his face will not twitch, neither for a frown, nor for a contemptuous smile. His eyes will speak - of his love for his family, nation and community - of his crying heart for a wounded friend - of his playful nature when he lets the neighbor’s son win the stick battle - of his unflinching empathy to the hundreds he leads and fights for their cause - of the emotional conflicts going in his dark heart.

Who is he? He is the MAN, the perfect embodiment of the male spirit. He is the hero in Gladiator, Braveheart, Last Samurai, Batman, Life is Beautiful, Lakshya, Castaway, Beautiful Mind. He is the one who will make the male audience realize that suddenly they are feeling a prick in their eyes and they need an excuse to steal a moment to bring the fingers to wipe their eyes off a saline liquid.

What does it take to become the Man? Have you ever felt the burning desire to know the answer to this question? Have you broken down when you saw those movies? Have you sat alone or gone on a walk after reading "To Kill A Mocking Bird", "One Who Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest", "The Godfather"? Have you wanted to become the Arthurs, the Ashokas, and the Hectors of the world?

Boys grow up. They look up to their father. They look up to comic book heroes. They look up to their sport idol. Some of them grow up to idolize a legendary figure from history. Some have their Hercules and Achilles in war heroes, others in corporate world, and others still in academia. Boys grow up. They become man - still craving to become the Man.

If you are a guy reading this and unmarried, ask yourself - have you ever thought about your son. How would you want to see him grow up? Probably some two decades of history will flash before your eyes - of all your successes, of all your defeats, of all that could have been, of all that which should not have been. Does the junior appear to be the perfect candidate to grow up into the Man? If yes, do you still have the answer to the question - What does it take to become the Man?

Bison of the jungle

All the world's a jungle, and all the men and women merely species in the ecosystem. They have their weaknesses and their strengths; which they use to accomplish the most sacrosanct motive - SURVIVAL.

The jungle has predators and preys, the night-stalkers and giant roamers. Some work in groups, others are loners. Some are workaholics, others scavenge on the leftovers. Some scurry on the jungle floor avoiding being noticed. Some walk with pomp and show, reverberating the jungle with their presence. Some recycle the resources to keep the jungle alive; some devour enormous quantities of food and leave the jungle stripped.

Which animal are you in the jungle?

I'm the bison. Mostly interested in its food and water. Not too majestic, not too pawny to be ignored. Not having a drop-dead look. Yet can charge in fury to make others drop-dead. Have a gait when I walk but also remember to keep the head lowered so that I dont stumble over ground irregularities. Feeling that the whole savanna is my home, still not being foolish to venture close to thick jungle boundaries. Travelling with my herd, sometimes leading, sometimes being lead. Part of the outer defence to protect the young ones and females. Stopping to allow the weak and old ones to catch up. Hesitant to take the leap across the deep, fast current of river coming in the way of migratory herd. Still crossing it in the lure of rich pastures on the other side. Picking up fights with peers to share the spoils of females. Yet, not letting the fight become fatal. Accepting the rules of my herd. Yet, showing an inclination to rebel when I am young. Having confidence that I can take upon 3-4 predators alone. Acknowledging that its a lost battle when surrounded by 5 or more predators. Even in that event, fighting it out to death.

Which animal are you in the jungle?

The LEDs

Imagine a pixelated black board. It is wired and connected to power. The pixels are actually LEDs. And they are spaced well to be seen as discrete units from the point of observation. Something like looking at the arrival/departure mechanical info screen at airport terminals.

The central LED is of blue color. It has an adjacent red colored LED. The rest of the board is filled with green colored LEDs. In the initial state of the board, the blue and all the green LEDs are on while the red LED is off.

As you are observing the board, a green LED turns off at some point. Its disappearance - hardly noticeable between so many others. Some time passes. Another random green LED turns off at some other point on the board. With few more following, the disappearance starts becoming apparent. You, the observer, becomes aware of the phenomenon and actually anticipates the disappearance of another green LED.

The rate of the number of green LEDs switching off steadily increases with time. Blip, blip, blip. Thats how the board goes. Random co-ordinates. Its getting faster. The black of the background is becoming prominent. You can now make out even the clusters where the ON green LEDs are still dense. Even they are struggling to remain glowing.

A simultaneous event which may get unnoticed will start making its presence felt. As the rate of blipping of green LEDs increases, a faint glow starts coming in the red LED. Unlike the blue and green ones, the red LED seems to have the capability to have varying degrees of luminescence. It becomes brighter as the green ones start fading. After some time, it becomes quite noticeable.

The red glow following the rate of green blips continues for some time. But soon enough, the trend reverses. The red LED seems to have acquired a life of its own. Its glow is no longer controlled by the green blips. Rather, it is the red's brightness now which seems to accelerate the green blips. The more the red glows, the more the greens blip.

A state follows when the greens on the board are very few and standing alone at random locations which are not very close to the blue LED. Occasionally, one or two green LEDs suddenly become bright close to the blue LED. But only for a short time. The stable state returns and things remain calm. They would stay that way for a long time now. The blue LED has a red LED accompanying it and very few, random and far-flung green LEDs remain on the board.

Any guesses what is the black-board, and the LEDs?

Blue LED - A guy; me, you or our buddy.
Green LEDs - The blue's buddies. The nearer green ones are the closer friends, the farther ones are mere acquaintances.
Black board - The influence zone of the blue's contacts.

And the Red LED ?

Blue's girlfriend and later wife.

The green LEDs have their own respective black boards where they become blue LEDs.

An exercise left to readers :
You saw this scenario. Imagine what would be the scene like if green LEDs continued to disappear without the red LED even showing the faintest hint of glowing?